An Ode to Corned Beef

Oh, corned beef, where ever did you get your name?

I understand the beef.
I do not understand the corned.

You rarely ever have corn in your makeup.
Yet, you’re called corned.

Where, oh where, does your name come from?


(I realize that ‘corned’ means ‘cured’. Let me have my fun.)

Oh, Saint Patrick, patron saint of… wait, what?

Oh, Saint Patrick, patron saint of something, purveyor of amateur night, and little-g-god of alcohol lust. You are, and will always be, special to many in this world, and held close to our heart for most of our lives.

We thank you, from the bottom of our hearts, for your willingness to die for our alcohol consumption and our bastardization of the color green.

May you rest in peace. Amen.

Wait, what? That’s not what Pat was about?

Oh… well then… Congrats for being Irish? Or British? Or a Brit capture by the Green team, enslaved, escaped, then returned as a bishop to the Green team’s land by own free will?

Interesting…

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

Posting for the sake (not sake) (what?)

I’ll warn you upfront: this has nothing to do with sake (Japanese), but everything to do with sake (English).

Actually, this has nothing to do with anything. It’s a waste of time, yours and mine.

In fact, that’s how I felt for the last 30 minutes of the workday today.

You see, I typed up a document, saved it, plus it auto-saves. Word froze, I forced-close the app, and the recovered the last auto-save. Unfortunately, after an attempt to re-save the auto-save as my last-save, and then checking-in the document to SharePoint, it wouldn’t re-save as my last-save, I checked-in the document to SharePoint, and I lost the entirety of my labor.

After a time consuming check of the network snapshots of my lappy, and a few searches of the hard drive for said auto-saves, no luck could be found.

Although, my horoscope today did say that “a sizable sum of money could come your way today… probably as a surprise” and told me not to “gamble or consider any kind of frivolous investment for at least two months.”

Here’s to hoping Powerball is up my alley this evening so I don’t have to re-create that document in the morning.

Two Pound! (and watched water)

For those of you who know the joke, you’re welcome for me reminding you about it. I hope you chuckled.

If you’re not familiar with the joke, don’t bother googling it because a written account won’t do it justice; if you happen to find a video of someone telling the joke, perhaps that will work, but I don’t know.

Moving on.

I ate almost 2 pounds of wings the other day. Had I not had the fried mushrooms I would have been able to eat the full 2 pounds.

What? You’re vegetarian? Oh. Sorry then.

What? You’re a chicken? Oh. Sorry to you as well.

What? You want wings now? Oh. Good. Go have some (assuming you’re not a vegetarian. Or a chicken.).

What? There’s little substance to this post? Yes. You are correct.

Goodbye!

Just kidding.

Moving on again.

They say that watched water never boils.

I say they’re lying, because watched water DOES in fact boil. Always.

Assuming you have a sufficient heat source under said water that is also obviously in a container that won’t melt.

Because if you just sat there watching water without those things, of course it won’t boil.

Which would make them right. But they’re assuming you already have those things when you’re watching said water.

So they’re wrong. And liars. Still.

Dear, good time: I had you. Again.

This past weekend was full of activity, primarily due to The String Cheese Incident run on March 10th, 11th, and 12th.

I can’t possibly recap or review; there was just too much, and I could never do it justice. It’s one of those things you have to experience first-hand to appreciate, understand, or even begin to grasp.

But, it would be uncharacteristic of me to give up so easily. Instead, I offer you my (then) real-time updates from the @WrkspcWrtngs Twitter account (follow now if you haven’t already). And no, there’s no “I’m going to get a beer right at this moment” or “I’m currently eating a hot dog” or “I’m standing in line and am cold” or anything insignificant like that. I do my best to shy away from such annoyances.

So, without further ado, behold:

Thursday, March 10th, 2011:
-So far this evening I have seen buzz lightyear and a giant penguin. I suppose that’s a win. Right?
-And also a man wearing a black onesy(sp?) with a bunch of eyes all over it. That move.

Friday, March 11th, 2011
-Already: 2 cow costumes and a Who.
-And one of those giant furry fetish cat costumes.
-This can mean only one thing: I’m buying a costume before tomorrow’s show.
-And one of those Chinese dragons, but small enough to wrap around a neck.
-Men with lighted hula hoops shouldn’t happen. Imho.
-And now a juggler rolling through the crowd on a glowing ball.
-Wait. What is that! A man in a penis costume, complete with testicles? Yup. Sure is.
-And of course more people on stilts.
-And a guy next to me was just tackled by security.
-I may or may not die by hula hoop.
-I turn around, find a circle of ppl, 1 guy in the middle, puking all over. Lovely.

Saturday, March 12th, 2011:
-Sold out show tonight. How will I ever have room for my interpretive dancing?!
-Maybe don’t bring a wallet the size of Africa. Just sayin.
-I found the Burger King. Let the night begin.
-That cat I mentioned last night? Standing next to me.
-Not sure, but I think that was an interpretive dancing mosh pit.
-No joke: some dude just put ketchup on his soft pretzel.
-Well this is a logistical nightmare: apparently they’re trying to get a parade together to go around the venue.
-But I just had a grilled cheese, so it’ll be ok.
-{picture taken and shared}
-{picture taken and shared}
-{picture taken and shared}
-You have to be here.
-{picture taken and shared}
-Giant beach balls {picture taken and shared}
-And just like that it’s over.


Oh, and for those counting at home: no water bottle cap issues this time around.

And for your continued interest in my String Cheese experience, read about my first go-round with the band last year: Dear, good time: I had you.

The Highlights (not the painting hairs kind)

We’re getting near the 1-year mark on this blog. A lot of you haven’t been around that long, so I thought it a good idea to highlight a few of the older posts to introduce you to the early days (and because I don’t have anything new to write about at the moment). So, here you go. Enjoy!


The first “real” post was somehow based solely on motion-sensing faucets and other motion-sensing items. Turns out they’re something like magic. Find that post here.

Over time I’ve had quite a few posts on cats: how it’s natural to be wary of a cat – cats are unique in a strange way, not a normal way – and – cats that will kill you are three of said posts. Please, explore. Cat lovers are welcome. Cat dislikers will probably understand better, though.

I’ve also written about zombies here, eating “zombie” here, and about zombie mosquitoes here. You may be surprised…

I have even wrote about cold elbows. Why cold elbows? Because they’re gross. Find out more here.


I think that will suffice for now. Please, feel free to take a look around and explore with the topic tags. There’s quite a few to choose from! Dare I say something for everyone?

Enjoy!

What I learned at the mall for 3 hours on a Tuesday night

I spent 3 hours in the mall tonight. I also wrote a step-by-step account of the night. After re-reading I realized it was boring, so now you have the following list - enjoy.


Here are 9 things I learned while spending 3 hours in the mall on a Tuesday night:

1) Not one store sells the pens I like. Nor do any of the stores sell pens that are worthwhile.

2) Also of note - Hallmark sells silver and gold pens of some kind for writing in cards, not for taking notes or writing in a journal... unless you're "unique" like that.

3) Contrary to the intercom lady who told customers to bring up their selections because the bookstore is closing (just before 8 p.m.), it was still open after I left the store and returned to walk through to leave the mall nearly 45 minutes later.

4) When in a bookstore, I do NOT like to sit across from other people who are reading.

5) When in a bookstore, I also do NOT like to sit next to, or behind, other people who are reading.

6) When in a bookstore, I feel like a dog circling the yard over and over as I try to find a suitable place to browse my reading selections with some sort of privacy.

7) There are no clocks in the mall. Anywhere. Not on any wall, anyplace. And when you ask someone for the time, they're likely to not hear you, forcing you into an awkward situation where you have to repeat yourself and risk sounding condescending as you speak louder and slower.

8) Watching strangers flailing around in front of an Xbox video camera game thing while in public is NOT fun whatsoever. Poor kid.

9) Cruising the mall as an adult is NOTHING like it was back in the school days.