Mouth Torture

Today I conducted mouth torture, on myself. I’m sure you’re wondering what that is. While I imagine there are various types of mouth torture, the one I speak of here is of the tasting kind – the one where you taste gross and disgusting things. Why did I do this? Because a coworker gave me a pack of Jelly Belly jelly beans intended to have the consumer taste various beans that look alike but taste very, very different.

Take for example the yellow ones: either rotten egg, or buttered popcorn. The white ones? Baby wipes or coconut?

See the problem here?

While I initially said “no” to giving these a try, I was quickly lured in to test the toothpaste vs. berry blue. And that’s when this started:

“Why am I going to eat these Jelly Bellys with both normal and disgusting flavors that look the same in order to compare them?”

“Much to my surprise, pencil shavings are not bad tasting. (Wtf is wrong with the world?)”

“Also: the toothpaste is delightful, as expected.”

“I spat out the centipede as soon as I tasted its horrendousness.”















“Thank god that was caramel corn.”

“Moldy cheese flavor – not a winner.”

“Baby wipes flavor tastes exactly as they smell. Fyi.”

“Juicy pear has worked out. Otherwise it was “booger.” Fortunately they only packed one of that option.”

“I absolutely refuse to take a chance with the skunk spray. No-way ho-spray.”

“Canned dog food hanging out with centipede after a moment in my mouth.”

“And finally, I refuse to attempt “barf.” I have no interest in that. More interest than skunk spray, but not enough to try.”



After this, I determined I will never torture my mouth like that again.

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My love affair with Costco

I have long thought of a day when having a Costco membership would make sense. Years on my own, the life of a single man doesn’t lend to bulk shopping on the scale that makes sense to hold a Costco membership. And then, one day came a few months ago, when it started to make sense.

I remember it: We went in to review the items available at Costco. We walked around, perused the aisles (almost all of them), and took note of the prices. “Some good, some OK, some were not,” I said. After some time walking the never-ending building, we proceeded home.

The very next day: Costco coupons arrived in the mail, by no request of my own. In fact, it appeared to be a sign of sorts, one that said: a Costco membership makes sense.

I flipped the pages, looking at the coupon savings and noting that from this packet alone I would make up for the cost of a basic Costco membership. Indeed, add to the coupon savings the already-low-priced items at Costco and suddenly it did make sense: this year’s membership will be worthwhile, at the very least, because of this one packet of coupons alone, plus the already built-in savings of Costco prices.

The following weekend it was back to Costco, to peruse the aisles again just to be sure. Instead, upon arrival, I took the plunge: not only did I become a Costco member, I became an Executive Costco member. (I understand there is some prestige to the “executive” connotation. I don’t get it, but that’s why I capitalized the “e” here.)

Why, pray tell, did I opt for the double-the-cost of a basic Costco membership? Because of the additional savings (read: savings potential) that comes with said Executive membership. (If you’re not familiar, perhaps it’s time to become acquainted with the additional 2% reward on most Costco purchases, plus the 1+% from American Express if you opt that route.) (Yes, I realize how much money one needs to spend to recoup the membership fee based solely on the percentage-reward.)

Flash forward a few months to today.

Is it worth it? Is it all hoped it to be?

The short of it: yes.

The long of it: I have been to Costco an average of every-other-weekend since I purchased the membership. I find myself saving regularly on: bread, canned goods, paper products, meats (those I have bought thus far), Christmas gifts, snacks (I try to be healthy), miscellaneous food items (too many to list), and last but not least: savings at their gas station.

Let me remind you that I recouped the cost of the basic membership simply with that initial coupon mailing. There has since been two additional coupon mailings that brought further savings. Already, less than three (yes, 3) months into the Executive membership, I not only recouped the basic membership fee, but I’m on the cusp of recouping the Executive membership fee as well.

Did I mention there’s a liquor store attached to the Costco I frequent? They also have respectable savings on the items I purchase in that category.

…

Hello. My name is Jason, and I’m a Costcoholic. I consider it a love affair, which is likely the root of my problem with Costco. Please don’t try to separate us.

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Dear, good time: I had you. Again.

This past weekend was full of activity, primarily due to The String Cheese Incident run on March 10th, 11th, and 12th.

I can’t possibly recap or review; there was just too much, and I could never do it justice. It’s one of those things you have to experience first-hand to appreciate, understand, or even begin to grasp.

But, it would be uncharacteristic of me to give up so easily. Instead, I offer you my (then) real-time updates from the @WrkspcWrtngs Twitter account (follow now if you haven’t already). And no, there’s no “I’m going to get a beer right at this moment” or “I’m currently eating a hot dog” or “I’m standing in line and am cold” or anything insignificant like that. I do my best to shy away from such annoyances.

So, without further ado, behold:

Thursday, March 10th, 2011:
-So far this evening I have seen buzz lightyear and a giant penguin. I suppose that’s a win. Right?
-And also a man wearing a black onesy(sp?) with a bunch of eyes all over it. That move.

Friday, March 11th, 2011
-Already: 2 cow costumes and a Who.
-And one of those giant furry fetish cat costumes.
-This can mean only one thing: I’m buying a costume before tomorrow’s show.
-And one of those Chinese dragons, but small enough to wrap around a neck.
-Men with lighted hula hoops shouldn’t happen. Imho.
-And now a juggler rolling through the crowd on a glowing ball.
-Wait. What is that! A man in a penis costume, complete with testicles? Yup. Sure is.
-And of course more people on stilts.
-And a guy next to me was just tackled by security.
-I may or may not die by hula hoop.
-I turn around, find a circle of ppl, 1 guy in the middle, puking all over. Lovely.

Saturday, March 12th, 2011:
-Sold out show tonight. How will I ever have room for my interpretive dancing?!
-Maybe don’t bring a wallet the size of Africa. Just sayin.
-I found the Burger King. Let the night begin.
-That cat I mentioned last night? Standing next to me.
-Not sure, but I think that was an interpretive dancing mosh pit.
-No joke: some dude just put ketchup on his soft pretzel.
-Well this is a logistical nightmare: apparently they’re trying to get a parade together to go around the venue.
-But I just had a grilled cheese, so it’ll be ok.
-{picture taken and shared}
-{picture taken and shared}
-{picture taken and shared}
-You have to be here.
-{picture taken and shared}
-Giant beach balls {picture taken and shared}
-And just like that it’s over.


Oh, and for those counting at home: no water bottle cap issues this time around.

And for your continued interest in my String Cheese experience, read about my first go-round with the band last year: Dear, good time: I had you.

FaceMan’s First Waltz

Four hours of music, plenty of note-taking, a few drinks, and overall a good time: that’s what my Friday night looked like.

(Note: The following is not meant to be an all-encompassing review of all musicians who graced the stage; it is but a highlight of the music that hit me.)

FaceMan’s First Waltz: an eclectic showcase of local talent; a true compilation of the variety in Denver’s local music scene. It was a welcomed change from the norm of one-band/one-stage/one-type of music for an hour or two. If you weren’t familiar with Denver’s music, this was the event to see. 30+ local musicians sharing one stage. Not all at once, of course; they mixed and mingled throughout the evening on each other’s songs, creating an event that is now difficult to portray to those who were not there.

The first song hit with true emotion in FaceMan’s voice. It was clear that the music Steve sings is true to his heart and something he really feels. Poppy? No. Real? Yes.

Martin Gilmore, previously unknown to me (much like all others on stage) surely impressed the crowd with an absolutely awesome voice and great storytelling lyrics. Why he’s not touring nationally, I have no idea. But that’s the kind of voice he has.

Players from The Outfit and The Knew rocked the house and livened the crowd a bit, while the Boulder Acoustic Society leveled the field as they offered grace and added soul to the stage.

Chadzilla from Slim Cessna’s Auto Club added a some vocals and a few drum tracks, and Bonnie and The Beard brought the female vocals to the stage with lively, swinging guitar sounds.

Medicine Man… what can I say. Dare I offer: “the greatest harmonica in Denver”? I said it once before and I’ll say it again: FaceMan and Medicine Man should play more music together. If not formally, then Medicine Man should at least make a cameo during FaceMan’s future shows.

Panal S.A de C.V hit the stage late in the night, brining a touch of instrumental rock of the heavier nature to the gig which was unlike any other on the stage that night – a nice addition to the folk/classic rock/indie sound of the event.

A duo from Bop Skizzum brought along a definite surprise of funk to the show, playing some of the best funk I’ve heard in the area. My notes say, ‘funk act that was pretty darn good!’, which sums up their time on the stage accurately.

I wish I had a playlist to call out specific tunes of the evening, but it was either the third- or fourth-to-last song that had me saying “wow”. And there were plenty of catchy lyrics throughout the night that still repeat today.

Of course, I can’t forget a few words about FaceMan: their music was well-received by the crowd, and at times the audience joined in by singing along and often cheered when a favorite song began to play. Their folk-rock sound and sincere lyrics seem to resonate with listeners; perhaps FaceMan sings something that we all tend to feel from time to time.

Even though it was not a true FaceMan show where the audience was surrounded by their music only, the playlist allowed for FaceMan to become the underlying bond of the night’s varying music. Playing that role in an event like this brought with it the potential for disaster. Rest assured, FaceMan, disaster averted: the format went well. Bravo!


It was clear there had been a lot of energy and time put into the event. I appreciated it… we appreciated it.

FaceMan set out to put on a party, a CD release event much like no other seen in the area. It was clear the members of FaceMan enjoyed it, along with all the other musicians who appeared on stage.

So did we.


‘Great job’ to all, congratulations on the new CD, and ‘thank you’ from the crowd.

Now let’s hear some more music!

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*Follow me on Twitter @WrkspcWrtngs

*Here’s Westword’s review of the night.
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The Walking Dead: A Review

It seems I haven’t chatted about zombies in a while. I’m not interested in researching to see the last time I did, but I assume it’s been at least a month or two.

Three nights ago I was watching TV. And on that TV came a commercial, a commercial for The Walking Dead, the new series on AMC. The spot caught my attention so I quickly went online to see what it was all about. Turns out I missed the entire first season. It also turns out that they just so happened to be airing an encore showing of season 1 the following two nights. Thus, I promptly set my DVR to record the following night’s showing of the full season.

Last night I sat down and started watching, say about 7:00pm. Ish. Come 12:30am, I went to bed after watching all 6 episodes of season 1. I just couldn’t stop watching.

Surprisingly, The Walking Dead has a pretty deep plot and storyline. It’s not just about zombies (which they aptly call ‘walkers’); it’s about the struggle to survive in a post-collapse of all society after an outbreak which causes people to contract a disease which kills them and then after some time brings them back to life. Of course, there’s the ‘get-bitten-and-turn-into-one-of-them’ thing going on as well.

Also surprisingly, after the first couple episodes, there is a lower reliance on zombie scenes and a greater reliance on struggle and survival. It’s actually quite good and I can’t wait for season 2.

If you can, check it out. It will certainly help to follow along from episode 1 to the next, and so forth. The story line keeps moving at a brisk pace and easily pulls you in. There aren’t many cliffhangers, but there is a good dose of suspense throughout.

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