What I learned at the mall for 3 hours on a Tuesday night

I spent 3 hours in the mall tonight. I also wrote a step-by-step account of the night. After re-reading I realized it was boring, so now you have the following list - enjoy.


Here are 9 things I learned while spending 3 hours in the mall on a Tuesday night:

1) Not one store sells the pens I like. Nor do any of the stores sell pens that are worthwhile.

2) Also of note - Hallmark sells silver and gold pens of some kind for writing in cards, not for taking notes or writing in a journal... unless you're "unique" like that.

3) Contrary to the intercom lady who told customers to bring up their selections because the bookstore is closing (just before 8 p.m.), it was still open after I left the store and returned to walk through to leave the mall nearly 45 minutes later.

4) When in a bookstore, I do NOT like to sit across from other people who are reading.

5) When in a bookstore, I also do NOT like to sit next to, or behind, other people who are reading.

6) When in a bookstore, I feel like a dog circling the yard over and over as I try to find a suitable place to browse my reading selections with some sort of privacy.

7) There are no clocks in the mall. Anywhere. Not on any wall, anyplace. And when you ask someone for the time, they're likely to not hear you, forcing you into an awkward situation where you have to repeat yourself and risk sounding condescending as you speak louder and slower.

8) Watching strangers flailing around in front of an Xbox video camera game thing while in public is NOT fun whatsoever. Poor kid.

9) Cruising the mall as an adult is NOTHING like it was back in the school days.

Zombies and the former Land of Good Living, aka Florida

I haven’t written much about zombies lately, or cats. Or zombie cats (which I’m still awaiting confirmation of). Maybe I’ll do a quick search now to see what’s on the interwebs that might be of value.

Nothing so far. Of value that is…

Well look at this, I found University of Florida’s disaster preparedness simulation exercise for a zombie attack. It even has an infected coworker dispatch form. I particularly enjoy the ‘symptoms’ section.

Its purpose is stated as follows: “The purpose of this exercise is to discern appropriate strategies for responding to a zombie attack and/or infection that might affect the University of Florida campus.”

Why haven’t they shared this with the rest of us?

There is also a book entitled ‘Theories of International Politics and Zombies’.

And Scott McLemee informs us that, “The output in cultural commodities about the living dead [was not slowed] by the economic downturn… On the contrary. Today, the danger that cannibalistic ghouls might swarm the planet, laying waste to the routines of everyday life, is, if not exactly plausible, at any rate part of the standard repertoire of worst-case scenarios.”

Sure is.

McLemee continues: “By Drezner’s account [the author of the above-mentioned book], no single approach to international politics -- whether realist or liberal, neoconservative or constructivist -- would provide the “magic bullet” for solving the crisis.”

Sure wouldn’t.

Oh, and he also informs us that “all zombies, by default, practice realpolitik.” See, you learn something new every day!

This all can mean only one thing for you and me: buy a few bats, along with food, water, a couple axes, and swords, and/or guns. And prepare to fend for your life. At some point. Maybe. But definitely just in case. Because these items are also good for non-zombie-related apocalypses (apocalypi?), and other various life activities, of course.

Enjoy!

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Nefarious envelopes, and I'm published. Good day, sir or ma'am.

Not really though… but kinda yes. But also kinda no.

You may recall a while back when I mentioned my writing being selected for a poetry book. Well, yesterday a strange manila envelope arrived in the mail all taped up from a strange location in Michigan that was unknown to me with a return address “person or other entity” noted as ‘NAR’. Clearly, had I been a politician, I would have called the bomb squad immediately. But I am not a politician, so I only considered the option heavily prior to gently opening the package while making sure my dogs face kept away and my hands improperly shielded should something nefarious happen.

Sure enough, nothing happened other than the envelope opening per normal protocol. Lo and behold, it was one of the two copies I purchased of the book. You can find it here: New Art Review.

Pass the word.

Oh, and also? Check out the new WW’s Weekly Items of Note.

Should be a blast.

Welp!

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Items of note

Sweet. The following are hits to my blog from Google, verbatim:

1) “mountain dew” actors eagle tattoo
2) “my shoes off at work”
3) Jesus hula hoop shirt
4) Jesus ponies
5) Mountain dew eagle tattoo commercial actress

I have some questions:

1) Why are there quotations around Mountain dew?
2) Why are there quotations around “my shoes off at work”
3) What is the jesus hula hoop shirt, because I want one
4) I’m glad to see that jesus ponies are still bringing home the bacon
5) And why would anyone want to know who that actress is from the commercial

Additionally to note: New Art Review has been good to me for at least one day. If you’re unfamiliar, apparently I’ve been published, or going to be published, sometime this month, in a poetry book. Neat. And I purchased a copy, then forgot I purchased a copy, then purchased a copy again, only to find that I already purchased one at discount. Yay.

Spread the word.

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Like the chapters of a book

There’s something to be said of turning pages in a book, reading one page after another, experiencing the story, and waiting to see what’s beyond the current page. Turning to the next only to find that it’s half the size of the page before and a new chapter is about to begin.

Life is like that: chapter after chapter after chapter. One day to the next, one month to the next, one year to the next, one decade to the next. Sometimes the chapters seem very short and sweet, short and painful, long and boring, and certainly some seem long and burdensome. Sometimes you can’t wait to get onto the next, and sometimes you wish you could stay there forever.

Just like a book, we must continue on with the current chapter, patiently awaiting the next. Sometimes we may not like it, and grow impatient of the chapter’s end. Other times we may not like it, because it happened so fast and we wanted the chapter to go on. Either way, we always end up wanting more. Yearning for more. Waiting for what’s next.

It’s natural to read on only to see what’s coming on the next page, even if we’re struggling to get through the rough of the current chapter and wanting so deeply for something else… maybe sometimes even wishing to end the book right there.

Like the chapters of a book, no matter what we do we must continue reading(!)… for no other reason than if we don’t, we will not leave our current chapter, and will be left within for far too long.

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