Mouth Torture

Today I conducted mouth torture, on myself. I’m sure you’re wondering what that is. While I imagine there are various types of mouth torture, the one I speak of here is of the tasting kind – the one where you taste gross and disgusting things. Why did I do this? Because a coworker gave me a pack of Jelly Belly jelly beans intended to have the consumer taste various beans that look alike but taste very, very different.

Take for example the yellow ones: either rotten egg, or buttered popcorn. The white ones? Baby wipes or coconut?

See the problem here?

While I initially said “no” to giving these a try, I was quickly lured in to test the toothpaste vs. berry blue. And that’s when this started:

“Why am I going to eat these Jelly Bellys with both normal and disgusting flavors that look the same in order to compare them?”

“Much to my surprise, pencil shavings are not bad tasting. (Wtf is wrong with the world?)”

“Also: the toothpaste is delightful, as expected.”

“I spat out the centipede as soon as I tasted its horrendousness.”















“Thank god that was caramel corn.”

“Moldy cheese flavor – not a winner.”

“Baby wipes flavor tastes exactly as they smell. Fyi.”

“Juicy pear has worked out. Otherwise it was “booger.” Fortunately they only packed one of that option.”

“I absolutely refuse to take a chance with the skunk spray. No-way ho-spray.”

“Canned dog food hanging out with centipede after a moment in my mouth.”

“And finally, I refuse to attempt “barf.” I have no interest in that. More interest than skunk spray, but not enough to try.”



After this, I determined I will never torture my mouth like that again.

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My love affair with Costco

I have long thought of a day when having a Costco membership would make sense. Years on my own, the life of a single man doesn’t lend to bulk shopping on the scale that makes sense to hold a Costco membership. And then, one day came a few months ago, when it started to make sense.

I remember it: We went in to review the items available at Costco. We walked around, perused the aisles (almost all of them), and took note of the prices. “Some good, some OK, some were not,” I said. After some time walking the never-ending building, we proceeded home.

The very next day: Costco coupons arrived in the mail, by no request of my own. In fact, it appeared to be a sign of sorts, one that said: a Costco membership makes sense.

I flipped the pages, looking at the coupon savings and noting that from this packet alone I would make up for the cost of a basic Costco membership. Indeed, add to the coupon savings the already-low-priced items at Costco and suddenly it did make sense: this year’s membership will be worthwhile, at the very least, because of this one packet of coupons alone, plus the already built-in savings of Costco prices.

The following weekend it was back to Costco, to peruse the aisles again just to be sure. Instead, upon arrival, I took the plunge: not only did I become a Costco member, I became an Executive Costco member. (I understand there is some prestige to the “executive” connotation. I don’t get it, but that’s why I capitalized the “e” here.)

Why, pray tell, did I opt for the double-the-cost of a basic Costco membership? Because of the additional savings (read: savings potential) that comes with said Executive membership. (If you’re not familiar, perhaps it’s time to become acquainted with the additional 2% reward on most Costco purchases, plus the 1+% from American Express if you opt that route.) (Yes, I realize how much money one needs to spend to recoup the membership fee based solely on the percentage-reward.)

Flash forward a few months to today.

Is it worth it? Is it all hoped it to be?

The short of it: yes.

The long of it: I have been to Costco an average of every-other-weekend since I purchased the membership. I find myself saving regularly on: bread, canned goods, paper products, meats (those I have bought thus far), Christmas gifts, snacks (I try to be healthy), miscellaneous food items (too many to list), and last but not least: savings at their gas station.

Let me remind you that I recouped the cost of the basic membership simply with that initial coupon mailing. There has since been two additional coupon mailings that brought further savings. Already, less than three (yes, 3) months into the Executive membership, I not only recouped the basic membership fee, but I’m on the cusp of recouping the Executive membership fee as well.

Did I mention there’s a liquor store attached to the Costco I frequent? They also have respectable savings on the items I purchase in that category.

…

Hello. My name is Jason, and I’m a Costcoholic. I consider it a love affair, which is likely the root of my problem with Costco. Please don’t try to separate us.

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Change the trunk oil, not the engine oil, please.

Many years ago, my friend wanted to buy an engine from a guy so he could upgrade his car for racing purposes.

We went in my car to get the engine from some guy in El Paso. He thought it appropriate to bring my car and also thought it perfectly sane to put the newly-purchased used engine in the trunk of my car.

After lining the trunk with tarps, we loaded it in.

As we drove back to his place, which consisted of both left and right turns over the course of an hour, the engine understandably tipped from one side to the other.

What did we open the trunk to find after arriving at his house to unload the engine?

Engine oil. Everywhere.

Apparently no one thought to drain the engine prior to transport. Also apparently, no one thought about checking to see if the oil had been drained from said engine prior to loading it into the trunk.

Needless to say, that was a nightmare to clean; a process which took days, included a laundromat, and never fully removed all of the oil.

Fortunately I don’t have that car anymore.

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Now every day is a vacation day. Good.

I remember like it was yesterday:

One day last April, I walked into Tarzjay with little direction (just made up that spelling, because quite frankly I have no idea how else you would spell it, other than ‘Target’. Stfu.). (Great, now I’ve gone off storyline and the entire flow of this is wrong. I need to start over. *Ahem*)

I remember like it was yesterday:

One day last April, I walked into Tarzjay with little direction, and walked out with freedom.

Freedom from The Man. Freedom from responsibility. Freedom from everything life sucks at.

Dear, friends - I walked out with the v-neck undershirt, and I’ve never felt better.

Long gone are the days of crew-neck undershirts while at work. Long gone are the wantings to rip off my shirt Hulk-style and smash it to bits while screaming loudly.

Long gone is the shackle around my neck.

Hooray, I say. Hooray – hooray – hooray.

I am free… I am free… I am free.

(Now work is more like a non-work day, except that I still have to go into the office, but still do similar things to when it’s a non-work day, per usual. Good.)

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(If you follow the blog, you should follow the Twitter, because really – my life is that much more exciting than yours.)
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FaceMan’s First Waltz

Four hours of music, plenty of note-taking, a few drinks, and overall a good time: that’s what my Friday night looked like.

(Note: The following is not meant to be an all-encompassing review of all musicians who graced the stage; it is but a highlight of the music that hit me.)

FaceMan’s First Waltz: an eclectic showcase of local talent; a true compilation of the variety in Denver’s local music scene. It was a welcomed change from the norm of one-band/one-stage/one-type of music for an hour or two. If you weren’t familiar with Denver’s music, this was the event to see. 30+ local musicians sharing one stage. Not all at once, of course; they mixed and mingled throughout the evening on each other’s songs, creating an event that is now difficult to portray to those who were not there.

The first song hit with true emotion in FaceMan’s voice. It was clear that the music Steve sings is true to his heart and something he really feels. Poppy? No. Real? Yes.

Martin Gilmore, previously unknown to me (much like all others on stage) surely impressed the crowd with an absolutely awesome voice and great storytelling lyrics. Why he’s not touring nationally, I have no idea. But that’s the kind of voice he has.

Players from The Outfit and The Knew rocked the house and livened the crowd a bit, while the Boulder Acoustic Society leveled the field as they offered grace and added soul to the stage.

Chadzilla from Slim Cessna’s Auto Club added a some vocals and a few drum tracks, and Bonnie and The Beard brought the female vocals to the stage with lively, swinging guitar sounds.

Medicine Man… what can I say. Dare I offer: “the greatest harmonica in Denver”? I said it once before and I’ll say it again: FaceMan and Medicine Man should play more music together. If not formally, then Medicine Man should at least make a cameo during FaceMan’s future shows.

Panal S.A de C.V hit the stage late in the night, brining a touch of instrumental rock of the heavier nature to the gig which was unlike any other on the stage that night – a nice addition to the folk/classic rock/indie sound of the event.

A duo from Bop Skizzum brought along a definite surprise of funk to the show, playing some of the best funk I’ve heard in the area. My notes say, ‘funk act that was pretty darn good!’, which sums up their time on the stage accurately.

I wish I had a playlist to call out specific tunes of the evening, but it was either the third- or fourth-to-last song that had me saying “wow”. And there were plenty of catchy lyrics throughout the night that still repeat today.

Of course, I can’t forget a few words about FaceMan: their music was well-received by the crowd, and at times the audience joined in by singing along and often cheered when a favorite song began to play. Their folk-rock sound and sincere lyrics seem to resonate with listeners; perhaps FaceMan sings something that we all tend to feel from time to time.

Even though it was not a true FaceMan show where the audience was surrounded by their music only, the playlist allowed for FaceMan to become the underlying bond of the night’s varying music. Playing that role in an event like this brought with it the potential for disaster. Rest assured, FaceMan, disaster averted: the format went well. Bravo!


It was clear there had been a lot of energy and time put into the event. I appreciated it… we appreciated it.

FaceMan set out to put on a party, a CD release event much like no other seen in the area. It was clear the members of FaceMan enjoyed it, along with all the other musicians who appeared on stage.

So did we.


‘Great job’ to all, congratulations on the new CD, and ‘thank you’ from the crowd.

Now let’s hear some more music!

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*Follow me on Twitter @WrkspcWrtngs

*Here’s Westword’s review of the night.
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An experiment in possibility

Possible topics for today:

Is that a Parade?
The Secret V
moe.
Inner-muse
Migration
Weather
The Sun

None of these made the cut. Not one. They each got a start, but they each abruptly ended with little to no direction after gaining a title.

It’s Friday. moe. is playing tonight and tomorrow night, and I’m going to both. There is a Secret V in my phone and it’s starting to upset me. In fact, my entire phone is starting to upset me. The sun isn’t out and the clouds have put me in an all-day funk; where is my usual Colorado weather? Because of this my inner-muse is having trouble coming up with something today, as are my outer-muses. Is that a parade going down the road? No? Well I wish it was. Migration is the key to success, whether you realize it or not. And that’s something I’ve been talking about my entire life.

Experimenting is fun, but often times it gets us nowhere. But that doesn’t mean we should stop. In fact, we should continue continuing on.

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