Hey Hey, Rorya (or: Escape From Destruction, starring Velma Sheen

This is about spam. Every once in a while a spam email gets through. This is one of their stories.


Subject: “Esmeralda, hey hey Rorya”

…So my name isn’t Esmeralda, and I don’t know anyone names Rorya. Already this is going well.

First line: “Patricka, All New Stock, Everything available it is here ...”

…Neither is my name Patricka. Which apparently to the people who design these emails is the female equivalent to Patrick.

Second line: “getrefill. ru”

…So the Russians have something to do with this? I know I’m kind of a big deal in Russia (and Ukraine) but this still isn’t making much sense to me.

Then there’s this:

“I do not clearly remember the arrival of the curat But facing that crescent everywhere--at Staines, H
The church bells were ringing for evensong, and a Velmaa Sheen, it seemed, had escaped destruction, but the
It was this howling and firing of the guns at Ripl Ahmada
The man pushed against the crowd towards the gate Gerardoa”

So Velma Sheen (Charlie Sheen’s… cousin?) escaped destruction? Destruction that included howling and firing of guns by something called Ripl Ahmada (something like a Spanish Armada, but farther East of Spain?)? Well that’s good. At least she escaped.

And some guy walked against the flow of a crowd toward a gate? Why would he do such a thing? Why wouldn’t he go to the other side of the street where the crowd was flowing in his direction? And what does this guy have to do with Velma and her escape from destruction? Was he, too, trying to escape the same destruction? Was the Ripl Ahmada at Gerardoa? Is that where all this went down? I’M EAGER TO KNOW THE REST OF THE STORY!!!

I guess we’ll never know…

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Thank you, Facebook. And a friendly note to nefarious entities.

I almost* fell for this, dear Facebook. Thanks for the offer to inform me, though.

*not a chance in hell.

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Dan shared a link on your Wall.

LOL !! Me cant believe that you can see who is viewing your profile! I can see the TOP 10 people and I am really OPENMOUTHED that my EX is still checking my Pix and my Profile. You can also see WH0 CHECKS YOUR PR0FILE here)
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Umm… Me cant? OPENMOUTHED? Big P’s? Zeros as letters? Whatthefuck is going on here? And whatthefuck is wrong with you (he or she who wrote this)?


In summary, I offer this friendly note to nefarious entities: spell correctly, or at the very least learn proper English. You’re welcome for this insider info.

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Dear, Cheechmosk: Go away.

Someone left a thoughtful (probably not) comment on one of my posts. Let’s dissect:
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ceheomsk (http://ceheomsk.wordpress.com/) has left a new comment on your post "Face threading – wtf.":

Sorry for my bad english. Thank you so much for your good post. Your post helped me in my college assignment, If you can provide me more details please email me.

cheap clomid (<--this was a link to some other realm)
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First off, “ceheomsk” makes no sense whatsoever. It neither elicits a name, meaning, or any other type of identification. It does, however, give off the impression that you’re a douche, and I shall refer to you as ‘Cheechmosk’.

Next, my post on face threading in no way helped with any college assignment anywhere on Earth. Have you read that post? (Clearly not.) It has no value to any college assignment whatsoever, anywhere, ever. Ok?

Thirdly, what additional detail do you think I can provide on the subject? Haven’t I said enough about face threading already? If you actually read the post, you’d know that I have nothing to offer on the subject, but thank you for considering me to be a thought leader on the topic. (You’re clearly disassociated from reality. That, or dumb. Take your pick.)

Finally, what the fuck is “cheap clomid.” I did some research, and this is what I found from Google: “Clomiphene (clomid) is used to induce ovulation (egg production) in women who do not produce ova (eggs) but wish to become pregnant (infertility).”

…At what point, dear Cheechmosk, did you think I A) was a woman, B) do not produce ova, or C) wish to become pregnant?

Cheechmosk? Maybe go back to school. Maybe learn “good” English while you’re there. Then maybe, just maybe, you’ll understand what you’re doing is irrelevant, and that I’m not your target audience, and also no thank you.

Good day, sir. (Cheechmosk is masculine, right?)

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