I almost* fell for this, dear Facebook. Thanks for the offer to inform me, though.
*not a chance in hell.
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Dan shared a link on your Wall.
LOL !! Me cant believe that you can see who is viewing your profile! I can see the TOP 10 people and I am really OPENMOUTHED that my EX is still checking my Pix and my Profile. You can also see WH0 CHECKS YOUR PR0FILE here)
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Umm… Me cant? OPENMOUTHED? Big P’s? Zeros as letters? Whatthefuck is going on here? And whatthefuck is wrong with you (he or she who wrote this)?
In summary, I offer this friendly note to nefarious entities: spell correctly, or at the very least learn proper English. You’re welcome for this insider info.
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If you follow the blog, you should follow the Twitter, because really – my life is that much more exciting than yours. (Not really though, but you should still follow.)
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Showing posts with label English. Show all posts
Showing posts with label English. Show all posts
Friday, May 6, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Dear, Cheechmosk: Go away.
Someone left a thoughtful (probably not) comment on one of my posts. Let’s dissect:
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ceheomsk (http://ceheomsk.wordpress.com/) has left a new comment on your post "Face threading – wtf.":
Sorry for my bad english. Thank you so much for your good post. Your post helped me in my college assignment, If you can provide me more details please email me.
cheap clomid (<--this was a link to some other realm)
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First off, “ceheomsk” makes no sense whatsoever. It neither elicits a name, meaning, or any other type of identification. It does, however, give off the impression that you’re a douche, and I shall refer to you as ‘Cheechmosk’.
Next, my post on face threading in no way helped with any college assignment anywhere on Earth. Have you read that post? (Clearly not.) It has no value to any college assignment whatsoever, anywhere, ever. Ok?
Thirdly, what additional detail do you think I can provide on the subject? Haven’t I said enough about face threading already? If you actually read the post, you’d know that I have nothing to offer on the subject, but thank you for considering me to be a thought leader on the topic. (You’re clearly disassociated from reality. That, or dumb. Take your pick.)
Finally, what the fuck is “cheap clomid.” I did some research, and this is what I found from Google: “Clomiphene (clomid) is used to induce ovulation (egg production) in women who do not produce ova (eggs) but wish to become pregnant (infertility).”
…At what point, dear Cheechmosk, did you think I A) was a woman, B) do not produce ova, or C) wish to become pregnant?
Cheechmosk? Maybe go back to school. Maybe learn “good” English while you’re there. Then maybe, just maybe, you’ll understand what you’re doing is irrelevant, and that I’m not your target audience, and also no thank you.
Good day, sir. (Cheechmosk is masculine, right?)
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ceheomsk (http://ceheomsk.wordpress.com/) has left a new comment on your post "Face threading – wtf.":
Sorry for my bad english. Thank you so much for your good post. Your post helped me in my college assignment, If you can provide me more details please email me.
cheap clomid (<--this was a link to some other realm)
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First off, “ceheomsk” makes no sense whatsoever. It neither elicits a name, meaning, or any other type of identification. It does, however, give off the impression that you’re a douche, and I shall refer to you as ‘Cheechmosk’.
Next, my post on face threading in no way helped with any college assignment anywhere on Earth. Have you read that post? (Clearly not.) It has no value to any college assignment whatsoever, anywhere, ever. Ok?
Thirdly, what additional detail do you think I can provide on the subject? Haven’t I said enough about face threading already? If you actually read the post, you’d know that I have nothing to offer on the subject, but thank you for considering me to be a thought leader on the topic. (You’re clearly disassociated from reality. That, or dumb. Take your pick.)
Finally, what the fuck is “cheap clomid.” I did some research, and this is what I found from Google: “Clomiphene (clomid) is used to induce ovulation (egg production) in women who do not produce ova (eggs) but wish to become pregnant (infertility).”
…At what point, dear Cheechmosk, did you think I A) was a woman, B) do not produce ova, or C) wish to become pregnant?
Cheechmosk? Maybe go back to school. Maybe learn “good” English while you’re there. Then maybe, just maybe, you’ll understand what you’re doing is irrelevant, and that I’m not your target audience, and also no thank you.
Good day, sir. (Cheechmosk is masculine, right?)
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Wednesday, March 30, 2011
So v. S – The battle within
Actually no, there should be no “battle within” around whether or not to use ‘So’ or ‘S’ when abbreviating ‘South’ in an address or any other case of short-handing “South”.
None-what-so-ever.
In fact, I can’t think of one time I thought to myself: “gee, I’m troubled because I don’t know which to use: So or S?“
Nor has there been even one instance of me thinking: “yes, I shall put ‘So’ instead of ‘S’ because that is the correct thing to do.”
Not. Once.
In fact, after an extensive search of the internet, I can’t find one good reason for ‘So’ other than it was used sometime in the past. I don’t know how long in the past, but it wasn’t yesterday. Or 5 years ago. Maybe not even 10.
I have two words for everyone who still uses ‘So’:
Time to move on, folks. Time… to move on.
None-what-so-ever.
In fact, I can’t think of one time I thought to myself: “gee, I’m troubled because I don’t know which to use: So or S?“
Nor has there been even one instance of me thinking: “yes, I shall put ‘So’ instead of ‘S’ because that is the correct thing to do.”
Not. Once.
In fact, after an extensive search of the internet, I can’t find one good reason for ‘So’ other than it was used sometime in the past. I don’t know how long in the past, but it wasn’t yesterday. Or 5 years ago. Maybe not even 10.
I have two words for everyone who still uses ‘So’:
Time to move on, folks. Time… to move on.
Friday, March 4, 2011
My apologies to Russia – I never meant to ignore you
I would like to take this time to offer Russia the same open letter that I wrote to Ukraine yesterday, because apparently I’m kind of a big deal there as well: aside from the US, Russia is my largest fan. GO VODKA!
Dear, Russia –
I’m sorry. I never meant to ignore you. Can you ever forgive me?
I would also enjoy an all-expenses paid trip to your land for the purpose of (again) speaking English, and drinking your national drink – vodka (also a la Anthony Bourdain) – and traversing your vast land all while live-blogging the journey.
I hope to hear from you soon.
Sorry again.
Sincerely,
JRM
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Dear, Russia –
I’m sorry. I never meant to ignore you. Can you ever forgive me?
I would also enjoy an all-expenses paid trip to your land for the purpose of (again) speaking English, and drinking your national drink – vodka (also a la Anthony Bourdain) – and traversing your vast land all while live-blogging the journey.
I hope to hear from you soon.
Sorry again.
Sincerely,
JRM
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Thursday, March 3, 2011
An Open Letter to Ukraine
(and also chess – but not “An Open Letter to Chess” also – that would be weird)
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I have 14 active chess games on my Android chess app. Why 14? Because the first 13 are entirely too slow (minus Con Lee’s games, and sometimes JRG’s, too). Sure, the rules say you have 3 days to move, but really… come on. If you need to take 3 days to make one move you probably shouldn’t join the game in the first place.
On another note, I’m kind of a big deal in Ukraine, which is kind of exciting.
Maybe they’ll send for me and provide an all-expenses paid trip to their country for the purpose of speaking English and live-blogging my travels through their countryside a la Anthony Bourdain, which sounds like a good time to me.
In fact, so much so that I’ll do this:
Dear, Ukraine –
Please send for me and provide an all-expenses paid trip to visit your land so I can show off your wonderful country. Maybe we can also play some chess while I’m there, so long as it’s much faster than one-move-every-three-days.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
JRM
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I have 14 active chess games on my Android chess app. Why 14? Because the first 13 are entirely too slow (minus Con Lee’s games, and sometimes JRG’s, too). Sure, the rules say you have 3 days to move, but really… come on. If you need to take 3 days to make one move you probably shouldn’t join the game in the first place.
On another note, I’m kind of a big deal in Ukraine, which is kind of exciting.
Maybe they’ll send for me and provide an all-expenses paid trip to their country for the purpose of speaking English and live-blogging my travels through their countryside a la Anthony Bourdain, which sounds like a good time to me.
In fact, so much so that I’ll do this:
Dear, Ukraine –
Please send for me and provide an all-expenses paid trip to visit your land so I can show off your wonderful country. Maybe we can also play some chess while I’m there, so long as it’s much faster than one-move-every-three-days.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
JRM
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Monday, June 21, 2010
Words
Tornadoes
Potatoes
Photoes
Tostados
I don’t get it. The English language often times makes no sense. Sure, I speak and write it well, and can convey a good story through its means, but really… wth is going on with the “oes” and “os”? Tornado becomes tornadoes, potato becomes potatoes, but photo doesn’t become photoes, and tostado well… that’s just another language, but it too doesn’t become tostadoes… nor does taco become tacoes.
Also, what’s up with having words that are bad? Who’s stupid idea was it to deem certain words “bad”? I mean really… why is one word “bad”, making another obviously “good”? That makes no sense, and is illogical. Whomever thought it a good idea to label certain words as “bad” clearly had issues in life. I personally don’t see a use in having “bad” words – why can’t the current list of “bad” words just simply be strong markers in a sentence; strong adverbs or adjectives, strong conveyances of expression? Making a word “bad” is just ignorant if you ask me. It’s like saying a certain type of tree is “bad”, or a certain breed of animal is “bad”. Come on, people, get real.
A word is a word. A word is a sound that comes out of your mouth which has a specified definition standing behind it so we know what we’re talking about. Throwing in the “bad” words shouldn’t be a problem, if anything they add passion and description to an otherwise boring sentence. Yes, the “bad” words tend to be strong in their conveyance of feeling, emotion, or opinion, but sometimes you just need to go to that level to fully express what you’re trying to say. These words shouldn’t be “bad”, they should just be words.
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Potatoes
Photoes
Tostados
I don’t get it. The English language often times makes no sense. Sure, I speak and write it well, and can convey a good story through its means, but really… wth is going on with the “oes” and “os”? Tornado becomes tornadoes, potato becomes potatoes, but photo doesn’t become photoes, and tostado well… that’s just another language, but it too doesn’t become tostadoes… nor does taco become tacoes.
Also, what’s up with having words that are bad? Who’s stupid idea was it to deem certain words “bad”? I mean really… why is one word “bad”, making another obviously “good”? That makes no sense, and is illogical. Whomever thought it a good idea to label certain words as “bad” clearly had issues in life. I personally don’t see a use in having “bad” words – why can’t the current list of “bad” words just simply be strong markers in a sentence; strong adverbs or adjectives, strong conveyances of expression? Making a word “bad” is just ignorant if you ask me. It’s like saying a certain type of tree is “bad”, or a certain breed of animal is “bad”. Come on, people, get real.
A word is a word. A word is a sound that comes out of your mouth which has a specified definition standing behind it so we know what we’re talking about. Throwing in the “bad” words shouldn’t be a problem, if anything they add passion and description to an otherwise boring sentence. Yes, the “bad” words tend to be strong in their conveyance of feeling, emotion, or opinion, but sometimes you just need to go to that level to fully express what you’re trying to say. These words shouldn’t be “bad”, they should just be words.
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