Monday, May 3, 2010

Never eat something with zombie in the name

As a general rule, it’s best to never eat something with zombie in the name… a couple (pretty bad) things could result:

1) if you eat something with zombie in the name, you may actually turn into a zombie. This typically isn’t a good thing since people don’t usually want zombies hanging around trying to eat brains. Granted, it may be cool to be a zombie for a while, but that’s not an everlasting state of existence. Plus, it seems like a waste of time since it’s only a matter of time before someone chops your head off… or blows you up… or sets the house on fire that you happen to be searching for brains in, at which time you would be set on fire. You probably won’t “die” at that point since they haven’t chopped your head off yet, but you’re still on fire… and you’re essentially a walking torch… I retract my prior statement of this being a waste of time.

2) if you eat something with zombie in the name, it might actually taste like zombie. This arguably is as worse as, or worse than, eating something with zombie in the name and turning into a zombie. Case in point: a coworker thought it a good idea to buy some zombie brain mints on her recent trip and bring them back for me. While I appreciate the gesture and enjoy a good novelty candy now and then, especially a good mint, what she offered up was certainly not a mint by any measure. I suspect the company that makes these mints raises and harvests zombies for their various parts, somehow juices their brains, and puts said juice into said “mints”. Needless to say, the mints taste the way you would expect zombie brains to taste – horrible. Horrible to start, so horrible you can’t finish, and a horrible aftertaste that doesn’t go away.

Of course I couldn’t keep these to myself, so I tried to convince a few coworkers to eat a “mint” for a good laugh.

For some reason they weren’t interested.

They probably knew better judging by the name…


1 comment:

  1. i'm so sad that i know what a brain tastes like now. puts cannibalism as an option right out the window.