Change the trunk oil, not the engine oil, please.

Many years ago, my friend wanted to buy an engine from a guy so he could upgrade his car for racing purposes.

We went in my car to get the engine from some guy in El Paso. He thought it appropriate to bring my car and also thought it perfectly sane to put the newly-purchased used engine in the trunk of my car.

After lining the trunk with tarps, we loaded it in.

As we drove back to his place, which consisted of both left and right turns over the course of an hour, the engine understandably tipped from one side to the other.

What did we open the trunk to find after arriving at his house to unload the engine?

Engine oil. Everywhere.

Apparently no one thought to drain the engine prior to transport. Also apparently, no one thought about checking to see if the oil had been drained from said engine prior to loading it into the trunk.

Needless to say, that was a nightmare to clean; a process which took days, included a laundromat, and never fully removed all of the oil.

Fortunately I don’t have that car anymore.

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Follow me on Twitter! (It might be worth it.)
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And you thought I was bad…

Today on the drive to work I was behind a car at a traffic light. That’s pretty typical, though. What was unusual was the fact that she (the driver) had at least 3 rolls of Christmas-flavor wrapping paper behind the rear seats under the back window of her car.

Now, you tell me which is more less-than-desirable: her and her chosen wrapping paper container and storage space, or me with my Christmas decorations still up and it’s now March 1st?

If you guessed ‘her and her chosen wrapping paper container and storage space’, you guessed correctly.

Have a good night.

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Backing up here! Watch out! Stay for the show!

Beep – Beep – Beep – Beep

I witnessed this morning a woman back her car into a parking spot with a curb on her left and no cars to the right…

only to back up, pull forward, and pull back again to try and fit in the spot…

only to get out to walk away and see she had a good 3 feet before her rear bumper was at the curb…

only to get back into her car and back up further, which I assume was the last time because I didn’t want to stand and watch the show.

I say, if you can’t back into a spot with minimal adjustment after the first try – don’t back into the spot in the first place. And if you can’t gauge your distance from the curb to your rear bumper – don’t back into the spot in the first place. And if there’s a chance you’ll have to get back into your car and try again after backing up once – say it with me now – don’t back into the spot in the first place.

Thus concludes today’s sermon.

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I once slalomed donkeys. Or maybe they were mules?

I couldn’t tell… but it sure was an interesting experience.

So I’m driving down a winding road in South Dakota one afternoon, and what do I find as I turn the bend? A few donkeys (or mules) just standing there in the road, hanging out. Of course, they weren’t on the side of the road; they were strewn across the road, standing there, looking at me as if I didn’t belong.

So what did I do? I slowly crept the car up to them. What did I see? The few donkeys turned into a herd of donkeys! And they weren’t moving.

So what did I do? I turned on the camera and made a video as I slalomed my car between and around them.

What happened next? Two donkeys came charging down the side of the road heading straight for my car! Fortunately they ran past and then stopped.

What happened then? As I moved slowly around and between them, one decided to bite my antenna. I quickly put that down.

What could possibly happen then? I pulled up to one, rather plump-looking, donkey as it was panting, consistently and heavily. As I came to a stop it squared up to the car and slowly walked over to the driver's side window. As I rolled the window down I heard the typical donkey sound as it panted, but at a very low volume.

What happened next? It stood, nose to side mirror, and kept standing. It then proceeded to rub its face on my side mirror. And then moved closer to the slightly-open window.

Of course I had my window open a little – I was talking to the donkey the entire time.

Of course it opened its mouth, tried to bite the window, and its teeth made contact with the top of the open window.

Of course I quickly drove away. Off down the road, finally turning the camera off, and in disbelief of the even that just occurred.

I still have the video. I like to watch it sometimes.

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Turning signals in the turning lane

I’m a proponent of good driving. I’m also a proponent of following the guidelines and rules set forth, both written and unwritten. Sure, sometimes breaking the speed limit is called for, but that’s not what I’m driving at here (hah!).

I don’t think there’s a need to keep your turn signal on if you’re in the turning lane, unless you’re in the front of the pack or the last in line. Those are two very key positions in a turning lane – both let oncoming and passing traffic know that there are cars about to turn. All the others in the middle of the line, no need for a signal.

Unless, of course, you’re trying to get out of the turning lane, at which time you should have the opposite-direction turn signal illuminated for the world to see you’ve made a horrible mistake and can’t possibly afford to make the turn and are willing to screw up all traffic behind you while you wait to get out of the turning lane as those turning in front of you move forward and on with the turn, effectively blocking all other proper-turners from their chance at turning with those in front of you in the current light sequence.

If this is you, you clearly have no sense of adventure and/or take your driving path too seriously. And you also may not be a good driver.

Anyway, no need for a turn signal in the middle of the pack.

Thank you.

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