I would probably consider moving to Texas if it wasn’t for that jackrabbit.

(Scene: Summer, June/July 2002, Sheppard Air Force Base, Wichita Falls, Texas. Another airman (woman, actually) and I are conducting a walking tour of the base for newly-arrived trainees. I begin to warn them about the dangers of jackrabbits.) (Narration by yours truly.)

You think I’m joking, but I’m serious when I say “watch out for the jackrabbits.” They’re squirrelly and will attack you. They have human-like eyes that just stare at you, and you can tell that they’re sizing you up. You know they’re looking at you. You know they’re thinking about you. It’s really kind of freaky. Just keep your distance.

(Enter jackrabbit on the sidewalk 50 feet ahead, facing the street.)

See, there’s one right there. We have to go in that direction, so let’s walk slowly toward it and hopefully it will run away.

(The group and I walk slowly toward it. As we move closer, the jackrabbit turns toward us and squares up with the group.)

See! See what he did there!

(As we approach closer, in a burst of speed the jackrabbit runs toward us, aiming directly for the group as if it were trying to attack.)

(We all jump back in fear of being mauled by the rabbit as it comes within 15 feet of us.)

(It turns right and runs with great purpose to the middle of the road.)

(It stops, turns left, squares up with the car driving toward it, and runs in attack mode directly at the car until it is only a few feet from the vehicle.)

(It then bursts left and runs back toward our group until it is 10 feet away, forcing us to jump back again, and then darts away from us with great purpose, running off to terrorize others on base.)

(End scene)


Ever since that day I’ve been wary of jackrabbits. And ever since that day I’ve vowed to never live in Texas, almost exclusively because of the jackrabbits.

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9 Rules and Expectations for Rapture 2011

9 Rules and Expectations for Rapture 2011

#1. Clowns. You’d better not be afraid of clowns. This is the biggest misconception among the public: clowns are not a part of the Rapture events. You just be ready for clowns, is all I’m saying.

#2. Expect to see some glitter, unicorns, and other mythical creatures taking part in the festivities. If this Rapture really happens, there’s a chance that there will be a moment of euphoria prior to Hell blazing over. If you’re lucky enough to get whisked away, you’ll probably get to live with said glitter, unicorns, and other mythical creatures. Lucky you.

#3. Balls of fire, earthquakes, tidal waves, and horribly-tuned smooth jazz. I don’t expect much thunder, but if there is, it will mostly be drowned out by said jazz and is likely to clap to the beat if you can hear it at all.

#4. Chariots. Lots of them. Ben-Hur style, too.

#5. If this Rapture really happens, expect to see Jesus in the far-off distance, likely hovering in the sky somewhere, standing guard at the aptly-named Pearly Gates along with Peter.

#6. Be prepared to not be whisked away, likely because you’ve listened to rock n roll a few times in your life, or you’ve cursed. They’re saying only 200 million people will be saved. Odds are it isn’t you seeing how that equates to less than 3% of the world’s population.

#7. If you *are* whisked away, be prepared to mourn the loss of loved ones as you watch them on the ground while you float to the sky. Or watch them burn in flames. Or if you suddenly disappear. No matter what, you’re going to want to keep your eyes open.

#8. If you’re lucky enough to see a unicorn, catch it. It’s said that Rapture, at times, can be much like a children’s game in that if you catch a unicorn you’ll be safe.

#9. My final warning: 1) beware of the clowns, 2) some unicorns bite, and 3) glitter likely won’t come off/out of burned flesh, so there’s at least a small chance that you’ll look glittery for all eternity if you’re not magically whisked away.

Good luck no matter what happens.

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If you follow the blog, you should follow the Twitter, because really – my life is that much more exciting than yours. (Not really, but you should still follow the Twitter.)
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The Walking Dead: A Review

It seems I haven’t chatted about zombies in a while. I’m not interested in researching to see the last time I did, but I assume it’s been at least a month or two.

Three nights ago I was watching TV. And on that TV came a commercial, a commercial for The Walking Dead, the new series on AMC. The spot caught my attention so I quickly went online to see what it was all about. Turns out I missed the entire first season. It also turns out that they just so happened to be airing an encore showing of season 1 the following two nights. Thus, I promptly set my DVR to record the following night’s showing of the full season.

Last night I sat down and started watching, say about 7:00pm. Ish. Come 12:30am, I went to bed after watching all 6 episodes of season 1. I just couldn’t stop watching.

Surprisingly, The Walking Dead has a pretty deep plot and storyline. It’s not just about zombies (which they aptly call ‘walkers’); it’s about the struggle to survive in a post-collapse of all society after an outbreak which causes people to contract a disease which kills them and then after some time brings them back to life. Of course, there’s the ‘get-bitten-and-turn-into-one-of-them’ thing going on as well.

Also surprisingly, after the first couple episodes, there is a lower reliance on zombie scenes and a greater reliance on struggle and survival. It’s actually quite good and I can’t wait for season 2.

If you can, check it out. It will certainly help to follow along from episode 1 to the next, and so forth. The story line keeps moving at a brisk pace and easily pulls you in. There aren’t many cliffhangers, but there is a good dose of suspense throughout.

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Dying Love

Please save your tears and wipe your eyes
It's death, my dear; I've only died.
Please be safe, and step aside
I'll be fine; you're by my side.

Save our love for the rainy days
And I'll walk with you in the bright sunrays.
Your love for me let slowly fade
Kiss me now; take my final breath away.

With your strength you'll carry on
Think of me and then move on.
I gave you my love, so thick and strong
I'll be watching from above, helping you along.

It's okay my love, I've only died…
Please wipe those tears from your saddened eyes.
Remember one thing before I go:
I'll love you forever, with my undying soul…


-Originally written 12October00

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Murder Kitten, Vampire Kitten, Cyborg Kitty – BEWARE!!!

I suddenly realized that I haven’t posted about cats lately and feel it’s about time to do that again. Thus, in continuing my pseudo-pursuit of “getting the word out” and “warning” about cats and highlighting the “curiosities” of the existence of cats, here are a few things to consider:

--BEGIN SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT--

Kitten Thinks Of Nothing But Murder All Day (see links below)
From:
- Sassy’s Scene From A Marriage: Here, Kitty, Kitty
and
- The Onion

And also:
- Cyborg kitty watches you sleep
and
- Vampire kittens
(From: I am your Canadian boyfriend)

…It’s clear that I’m not the only one concerned about this.

Fortunately though, I haven't heard anything about zombie cats... yet.


And of course, in case you haven’t seen my other discussions on the topic of cats:
- Cats are unique in a strange way, not a normal way…
and
- It’s natural to be wary of a cat… of any kind


-- END SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT --

Thank you.

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Artificial Life and the Death of a Giant

I arrived to work today in my usual fashion. Made it to my desk, unpacked my stuff, turned on the laptop, and started the Facebook app on my BlackBerry. The first update I saw was from a friend back home: “Peter Steele is dead? He can’t DIE! wtf.” In disbelief, I patiently awaited my laptop to finish its startup process, which was entirely too slow for my patience today. I quickly opened the web browser on my BB and googled it: Peter Steele. Up came the headlines: Peter Steele had died sometime last night. Heart failure.

I quickly notified a coworker whom I knew was familiar with Type-O. I posted a status update on Facebook. I commented on a status. And I commented on my own: I hope it’s a hoax… again. You see, they pulled a stunt back in 2005 with a headstone posted on the band’s website that read RIP and led us to believe it was Peter Steele who had died. And here we are again. 2010. This time, few think it’s actually a hoax. Hopefully it is, and good for them to be able to pull something like this off twice in the band’s career – but we expect otherwise at this point.

The short conversation with my coworker went from Peter Steele and his alleged heart failure at age 48, to Ozzy Osbourne and his continued existence: somehow rock n’ roll got Peter Steele at 48, but it hadn’t gotten the best of Ozzy at age 61 (arguable, at the least). This thought prompted me to wonder: is Ozzy just lucky? Had he been able to pump so much poison into his system that he was either on the brink of failure, or pickled to the point of suspended animation? Had he truly made a pact with the devil and sold his soul for rock n’ roll? Either way, it’s amazing Ozzy’s still alive.

It’s not often that I stop to think about artificial life (not counting your typical zombie and vampire discussions). The possibility of man creating a monster, a cyborg, or even a robot with full automation isn’t something that regularly comes mind. Yet, for some reason when I thought of Ozzy I immediately thought of artificial life.

Coincidence?

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