Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Hey Hey, Rorya (or: Escape From Destruction, starring Velma Sheen

This is about spam. Every once in a while a spam email gets through. This is one of their stories.

Subject: “Esmeralda, hey hey Rorya”

…So my name isn’t Esmeralda, and I don’t know anyone names Rorya. Already this is going well.

First line: “Patricka, All New Stock, Everything available it is here ...”

…Neither is my name Patricka. Which apparently to the people who design these emails is the female equivalent to Patrick.

Second line: “getrefill. ru”

…So the Russians have something to do with this? I know I’m kind of a big deal in Russia (and Ukraine) but this still isn’t making much sense to me.

Then there’s this:

“I do not clearly remember the arrival of the curat But facing that crescent everywhere--at Staines, H
The church bells were ringing for evensong, and a Velmaa Sheen, it seemed, had escaped destruction, but the
It was this howling and firing of the guns at Ripl Ahmada
The man pushed against the crowd towards the gate Gerardoa”

So Velma Sheen (Charlie Sheen’s… cousin?) escaped destruction? Destruction that included howling and firing of guns by something called Ripl Ahmada (something like a Spanish Armada, but farther East of Spain?)? Well that’s good. At least she escaped.

And some guy walked against the flow of a crowd toward a gate? Why would he do such a thing? Why wouldn’t he go to the other side of the street where the crowd was flowing in his direction? And what does this guy have to do with Velma and her escape from destruction? Was he, too, trying to escape the same destruction? Was the Ripl Ahmada at Gerardoa? Is that where all this went down? I’M EAGER TO KNOW THE REST OF THE STORY!!!

I guess we’ll never know…


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